The Greatest Pain I've Ever Felt: The Conversation with my Absent biological father who never wanted to be found.
The Greatest Pain I Had Ever Felt occurred over 25 years ago while I was still a student at Grambling State University. I will never forget the night that changed everything for me. I remember I was working nights, after class, at the university’s health center in the cleaning department as a work-study student in Grambling State University’s student work-study program to earn extra money to pay for books, food and other living expenses. I liked working there because when I would go on breaks, I would casually slip into one of the nurse’s offices and talk on the phone while my supervisor would be in the break room eating and talking with the nurses who were working the night shift. Well, on this particular night, I discovered that I could make long distance phone calls courtesy of the university health center. The first person I called was my favorite aunt Patricia who lived in Dallas. We started our conversation with me sharing about how things were going for me at college. Then, I asked about my cousins and other family members who also lived there in Dallas.
Then, we began to talk about the birth of my first niece, Sheila, by my younger sister, Tisha. I made the comment, “Aunt Pat, Sheila looks just like Tisha when she was a little girl.” “She sure does.” My aunt responded. My aunt went on to say something that would change my life forever. “You know, Rico, Sheila looks just like her mother the same way you looked like your father, Darrell.” I paused for a moment. I suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of fear take control of my entire body. I cautiously asked, “Aunt Pat, don’t you mean Marvin?” “Aunt Pat, my father’s name is Marvin.” At that very moment, I heard a jerking motion in her voice that I will never forget. It sounded as if she realized that she that had let something slip out of her mouth that had been a deep secret up until then. She did not even bother with trying to correct herself. She just came out with it. “Boy, your mother hasn’t told you yet?” She asked. I said, “No.” “Told me what?” Your mother hasn’t told that Darrell Jefferson is really your biological father and not Marvin Tate?”
I told
her that this was the very first time I had ever heard this news. Our pleasant,
energetic conversation took a much different turn. I was in too much shock to continue
with the conversation. We attempted to carry on the conversation, but I just could
not continue. I was in total shock at what I had just heard. I believed at the
time, my aunt thought that she had to continue to talk so that I would not feel
so badlyabout her blurting out such a powerful revelation/secret the way that
she did. In my mind, I had heard enough for one phone call. I let her off the
hook by telling her that I was about to get off from work and that I had to go.
Before I hung up the phone, I asked my aunt, “How does this Darrell Jefferson
person look?” She responded very quickly, but sensitively, “Rico, go and take a look in the mirror.”
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Rico
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